Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Dreading Mother's Day

I'm not looking forwards to Mother's Day this Sunday. I feel lost without my mum and uncomfortable with the notion of celebrating or even talking about mother's, when I don't have one.

I know that she's only been gone for a few weeks and I'm told that in time I will just learn to live with hole that her death has left inside me but it's just too soon for that now.

Since she died in January my inbox has been like a slow dripping tap of shoddy approaches from PR's desperately trying to scrape every possible inch of coverage from the Mother's Day cash cow. I know that sounds bitter but when 9 out of 10 emails begin with...

'Hi Mummy-Tips, We have been following your blog for quite some time and we just love it. Especially that post you wrote on xxx (pick anything from the archive and paste), it was brilliant. I'm approaching you on behalf of a brand Y and we would love to know if you are planning a Mother's Day feature that we could get involved in?'

It has taken every, single, ounce of my good nature not to reply to these delightful approaches, explaining that if they had actually looked at my blog this year they would know that my mum is dead.

I came close on many occasions. Then today I read this beautiful post from my pal Eva. She's another motherless, cynic with a PR background...

I found comfort in her words and the realisation that it wasn't just me struggling with this crap. We decided to celebrate International Women's Day (on Friday) and to just try to get through Sunday the best way we know how. 

All was good - until this afternoon I asked my fellow Facebook, Candy Crush, pals for a new life and who should pop up in my 'selected friend' list? 

Yes, my mum. 

I'm impressed that she's reaching out to me via social media but, boy do I miss her....

Mothers Day Candy Crush

I love you mum. x

20 comments:

  1. LisaTalkingTots6 March 2013 18:49

    It's horrible, isn't it. Suddenly the grief just hits you from nowhere. My thoughts are with you and all of us who have lost our Mumx x

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  2. I know how you feel - it doesn't feel right to celebrate Mother's Day without my Mum around x

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  3. Cherished By Me6 March 2013 23:01

    Feeling for you Sian, it's awful and I'm going through the same feelings. Today was exactly a year ago since my mum found out she had cancer. I also see my mum pop up on bejewelled and will her to play..have been tempted so often to log in to her account just to play it as we used to compete for the highest score every week.

    Take care. Big hugs from me. Xxx

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  4. You will find that although you never get "over" the loss, you get through it. It will take a while (which is why they say "Time Heals"), but you will get to a place where you can think about her without the raw, painful grief that you're feeling now. It is less painful in a way, but it doesn't mean that you will miss her less or grieve her less. I promise you that although your tears will continue to flow, your happy memories will take over and you will move away from this immense pain. The loss will always be there though.
    As someone who has been through it, perhaps the most painful part when a friend loses a parent, is the knowledge that I can't alleviate your pain. x

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  5. I'm so glad I wrote that post; Mothers' Day is always the elephant in the room and it's good to get this out in the open and know that we're not alone in this bitter sweet experience, but it's an especially raw one for you. I got goosebumps when I read your post. Love to all x

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  6. Love you too honey. Thanks for prompting me to write. x

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  7. Yes... my thoughts and love are with @Edspire today and her beautiful baby girl Matilda Mae. She's going through something that no mother should ever have to experience.
    Sad times.

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  8. Yes, like a ton of bricks...

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  9. Mammy Dolittle7 March 2013 11:56

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you warm wishes and hugs.

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  10. Oh Sian, this must be very painful, and you know I can really associate with your situation. I know my dad is still alive, but will not be for long... I am sending you hugs and stay strong, will be thinking of you this Sunday xxx

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  11. I cannot imagine how tough it must be so I would hate to offer irritating platitudes, but know that I am thinking of you.

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  12. Crystal Jigsaw8 March 2013 14:18

    This time of year is so hard for people who have lost loved ones; and receiving approaches when they clearly haven't read your blog is just awful. I really feel for you, honey. It's a tough enough time as it is.


    Take heart that you have a mass of friends on social media (we might not have met you - well, I haven't) but you're loved and respected and we're always here.


    CJ x

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  13. Much love Siany
    I'm just composing my mother's day post. It gets harder every year.

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  14. Super Amazing Mum10 March 2013 04:37

    Huge Hugs Sian. xxxxxxxx

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  15. I honestly hadn't contemplated how hard mother's day must be without your mum. Huge hugs to you.

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  16. Mummy_Matters10 March 2013 22:21

    Sorry to hear about your loss, I absolutely dread the day I have to say goodbye to my Mum, she is without doubt my best friend. I hope you had the best day possible in the circumstances x

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  17. Big hugs honey x

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  19. HI Sian, so sorry for your loss. As another motherless cynic with a PR background I do find the mother's day influx of emails insensitive. I lost my mum when I was 16 and whilst it does certainly get easier you never forget your wonderful mum. My biggest regret is not only did she never meet my girls she never even saw how I turned out (not necessarily a bad thing!). Mother's Day is a special kind of pain for those of us without our mothers, but it can, in time, be the perfect time to gather those people you love most close to you and remember that she would be so happy to see you with a loving family. I hope this year of 'firsts' is not too much to bear and that next Mothers Day you feel you have made some progress towards feeling whole again. Much love xx

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Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Appreciated as always. xx

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