I'm not looking forwards to Mother's Day this Sunday. I feel lost without my mum and uncomfortable with the notion of celebrating or even talking about mother's, when I don't have one.
I know that she's only been gone for a few weeks and I'm told that in time I will just learn to live with hole that her death has left inside me but it's just too soon for that now.
Since she died in January my inbox has been like a slow dripping tap of shoddy approaches from PR's desperately trying to scrape every possible inch of coverage from the Mother's Day cash cow. I know that sounds bitter but when 9 out of 10 emails begin with...
'Hi Mummy-Tips, We have been following your blog for quite some time and we just love it. Especially that post you wrote on xxx (pick anything from the archive and paste), it was brilliant. I'm approaching you on behalf of a brand Y and we would love to know if you are planning a Mother's Day feature that we could get involved in?'
It has taken every, single, ounce of my good nature not to reply to these delightful approaches, explaining that if they had actually looked at my blog this year they would know that my mum is dead.
I came close on many occasions. Then today I read this beautiful post from my pal Eva. She's another motherless, cynic with a PR background...
I found comfort in her words and the realisation that it wasn't just me struggling with this crap. We decided to celebrate International Women's Day (on Friday) and to just try to get through Sunday the best way we know how.
All was good - until this afternoon I asked my fellow Facebook, Candy Crush, pals for a new life and who should pop up in my 'selected friend' list?
Yes, my mum.
I'm impressed that she's reaching out to me via social media but, boy do I miss her....
I love you mum. x