Thursday, 6 May 2010

Speak up... break the silence

May 5th is a difficult day for me... you see today is the anniversary of the first day of the rest of my life.

Sixteen years ago today (5/5/94), I was engulfed by a very dark cloud that took me to hell, tossed me around and then spat me out.
Many memories of events past are hazy. A result of the archaic mental health 'treatment' forced upon me in the following years but I can recall every single moment of that day like it was yesterday.

I stood at the top of the car park for at least an hour. I was teetering on the edge - over the edge.
It was grim, grey and from my roof top view the whole city looked like it wanted to die. I was terrified of what lay before me. Exhausted by the events that led me there. Helpless, hopeless, defeated.
So I jumped.

Every year I get reflective and every year I feel a little differently about how my life came to that. I'm filled with dread at the thought of the anniversary that tips my time scales, when I will have lived longer with pain and disability than without.
Did you know that last week was Mental Health Week? There is help available. Don't suffer in silence like I did.
If depression affects you stop by Breaking the silence. It is a brilliant blog, full of information and support.
Here's a link to my original post about my battle with post natal depression. Thank you for the comment love - it makes a difference to me to know that I have friends.


  1. Everytime I read this I just cry. You make me feel so proud, that you can talk about this and tell others that there is a way through. You rock.

  2. A journey is taken one step at a time and along the way you change the scenery. I am glad you are here to witness it. I am glad I am here too even if everything does sometimes overload my poor wee brain cell!

  3. I am glad to be alive too, I tried to take my life after mini was born, by MadDad stepped in. I recived excellent mental helth treatment thankfully. Your story is so moving, but so inspirational too. Well done for being open and also for facing it head on.

  4. I can imagine it will always be a hard date to deal with. I just cannot imagine how you felt that day....but you are inspirational and thank you for sharing. x

  5. Hugs Sian. Slight lump in throat as I type this. Welling up now. xxxx

  6. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you, and how much courage it takes to relive it again. I hope stories like this, and how you have come through it can help people who might be feeling similar. Thank you.

  7. I hope that by sharing it, you'll help someone else who may be feeling the same. Powerful doesn't do it justice.

  8. You are awesome. You have helped me more than I could ever say. I have never been that far but I could have been. You are one brave and strong lady for fighting back and opening up. Even if you don't feel it. You are. xx

  9. This made me cry, you are very brave as always for sharing this with us. x

  10. Such a brave post - words (almost) fail me and an amazing example of a picture telling a 1000 words.

    Well done for writing it - I have suffered with depression that has fluctuated between mild and extreme on and off for many, many years. I can empathise with the lows it drags you to.

    I am a firm advocate of talking more about it as it is something that so many people deal with in many different ways and so many people are ashamed to feel low.

    The more it's made to be more 'normal' by people like you sharing their experiences the more I hope and pray that people seek help and try and get better.

    Wishing you all the best xxx

  11. Sian - Mummy-Tips6 May 2010 at 16:10

    Mummy - thank you.

    Tattie - a deep breath and a cheery tune as my phone ringtone have blown away some of my cobwebs this week. Not sure that would be a traditional means of lifting depression but what the hell!

    TheMadHouse - you are a lucky girl having someone to save you. I wish I'd been that lucky.

    Nova - thank you.

    Rosie - must stop making you cry, you emotional thing!

    JulieB - Speaking out does make a difference I don't know why I kept it hidden for so long.

    Josie - xx

    deer baby - I had so many comments, emails and calls following my original post and when Mother & Baby magazine featured it I was stopped in the street by mums that had read it. It does make me feel good to know that by speaking out I have made a difference to someone else's life.

    Susan - Thank you, you are pretty awesome yourself. I'm so sorry that I missed you in Glasgow and I still owe you lunch.

    New Mummy - sorry. xx

    Cara - thank you.

    Bumblingalong - thanks for stopping by.

  12. be proud of how far you have come. May 5th is also a very hard day for me its my daughters. birthday and if she was still with us she would be 11 now. What i do know is that depression is so underated and many people think its something you can just get over. Its not its a debilating illness and the strength you have shown is amazing. Never underestimate your strength.

  13. sarawith4 - I cannot even begin to imagine how it must feel to loose your child. Perhaps we should strike to remove May 5th from the calendar?

  14. Just read your story. I think you are amazing and I am so glad you feel able to share and help others. I hope the 6th is being a much better day for you. Mich xac

  15. You left me a comment saying you're looking forward to meeting up with everyone at Cyber Mummy. Well, I'm looking forward to meeting YOU - you have an amazing story, and a lot of courage in telling it.

    I have visited your blog before, on several occasions, but somehow haven't left a comment.

  16. I read this post earlier today and didn't know what to say so have been thinking about it all day! I still don't have anything wise to say but wanted to let you know that you were in my thoughts! Actually now I sound like a scary stalker ;-) *Hugs*

  17. A defining moment which is part of the reality which is now. A long time ago but never too far away. I love you.

  18. Sending love and healing vibes in your direction - you're incredibly brave

  19. Hugs to you for bravery, I am in awe and wish I could make it to Cybermummy this year to meet you. Saving now for a 2011 summer trip so hoping there will be another one!!

  20. When I met you yesterday, I looked at you and thought, how can such a beautiful, vibrant person of been so desperately alone. I know it was a very long time ago, but I am sure it's all like yesterday for you.

    I am so glad that you shared, and I am so happy that you're still here with us.


Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Appreciated as always. xx


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