Monday, 5 April 2010

The Gallery...... Ugly

Well Ms Cain really did pull it out of the bag this week....  but I have had this pic in my mind since I read her prompt.
I have a sister. We have never really seen eye to eye and now in reality we have no relationship at all. I bumped into her a couple of days ago and she commented that she liked my blonde hair. I replied that it had been this way for more than two years....
I have never really had a relationship with her. She is seven years older than me and of middle child syndrome (her not me). For half of my life I wanted nothing more than her attention, her acknowledgement, her time of day. I have a very strong memory of the summer when I was seven years old. My parents were both working full time and my fourteen year old sister was charged with my care.
She left home every morning at around 9am and returned at around 3pm - with a bag of penny sweets to buy my silence. 
It was a long and lonely holiday fueled by a diet of Salad Cream sandwiches and threats.
To be fair, we never really made it past that summer. Come the new school term I saw her smoking with her friends and duly reported her to our parents. There was no going back. The future for us included; broken bones (mine, when she kicked me), resentment (me having a baby before her), joy (hers at me being told that I would spend the rest of my life in a wheel chair), anger (hers at me not listening to the medical experts and getting on my feet again), abandonment (both of ours, as we realised there is no place in our lives for each other).

This picture has always troubled me. I  think it's really ugly and as my girls grow I see and feel their fractious relationship every single day. Here it is in it's infancy.
If I could ask for one thing of my girls it would be that they love, cherish, honor and support each other above all things. I truly hope that they can have the relationship that I wish I had with my own sister.

Update... 7/04/10
Hello sisters of choice....

Thank you for your kind words. When I wrote this it made me feel kind of alive  for having shared but now following all the comments and tweets I re read and started really bawling!

I do wish that I had a sister - a real sister and not someone that was just after a part of me but I have learned recently that we can create our own family... Isn't that what you do when you get married anyway?
So here I would like to stand tall and say a very big THANK YOU to the sisters that have stood by me. Some of them new, some of them not so. 

Kirsty (eek, you were well and truly at the coal face and I will never forget that you had to tell my mum).
Nat (my first Twitster... god only knows how we first bonded over Stokke!).
Claire Bear (no words needed.....apart from gin, beer, champers, wine, 7pm).
Tara (we are yet to meet...though my dream says you are going to punch me... I forgive you).
Jo (she who is not a blogger, who shares most of my 'spare' time.. you are a very beautiful person... yes... you. See you on Saturday xx).
Rosie ( you are the beautiful blonde Blythe sister of my dreams.... what more can I say?).
Josie (we have been to the same place and returned).


  1. Gosh Sian, that's a sad post to read. I'm sure your children will be different. After all, they have you. My niece and daughter argued over the weekend about toys and chocolate and at times all I heard was Mine! Mine! But they love each other really, just like yours do.

  2. maggy, red ted art7 April 2010 at 13:43

    That made me giggle! BRILLIANT!!!

  3. I love this photo but wish you had, had a better relationship with your sister.

  4. Me and my sister are incredibly close and I know you will have that for your girls x

  5. So sad, Sadly I relate so well, it breaks my heart, and yet I can't believe I have found someone who has lost the same and wants it so badly and for their children.

    I am adopted by my g'father and he already had two children with his new wife 7-8 years older than me. As a child it was nice, but as an adult our relationships have fallen to the wayside. Especially with my sister. I cry a lot at the loss and wish that it never happens to my children. My two fight so much it scares me. I am very honest with Eliza who's 4 and tell her we have to be nice to each other as much as we can, because sometimes sisters/brothers grow up and no longer want to fight or talk anymore and then they never see each other. I never want that heartbreak for them obviously.

    And on a side note, that is fabulous that you proved others wrong and walked. Congratulations.

    thanks for sharing it can't of been easy to write.

  6. Hi, i popped in via the gallery, your post has made me feel really sad and tearful. luckily my sisters and i are very close, of course we fight but we are always there for each other. i can not imagine not having them. your girls have your support and encouragement so they will be close. Oli and Soapy fight but then they are cuddling and kissing so i know they will be close :)
    thank you for sharing x x x x x

  7. That's so sad....I was terribly jealous of my half brother- it's only recently that we have any sort of relationship really and I feel guilty about that! :0(
    I also worry about my children's sibling rivalry, their father's siblings all seem to be full of bitterness and jealously for absolutely no reason and I am trying desperately for my children to have a good relationship..
    A great picture if it's out of character for your children but a sad one if it makes you sad. x

  8. I always wanted a sister, I have 3 brothers! but I guess you never know if you'll have a relationship or not. It's true they say you can pick your friends but not your family.

    aaaw afraid I have to say that I find that picture really cute though :) xxx

  9. It's very sad, but I think you are a nice person, so she is wrong, and she is ugly (yes I am childlish on this one)
    I don't always agree with my sisters (I'm the middle one) but they love me and I love them
    Come and read the way we see life on our blog !
    Your kids are perfect, so they will share love, sure !

  10. So sad Sian. So sad.
    But bloody hell, a cracking entry in The Gallery - really heart felt revelation about yourself and I for one feel it makes me like you just that little bit more . . . (!)

  11. That's such a sad story :(

  12. I am so sad to read this post - I wish it could have been different for you and your sister. I am sure you do not have to worry about your girls - my sister and I used to physically fight and squabble throughout childhood, but we love each other so much. With you as their mother, I am sure all will be well for them. xx

  13. Oooh tough one, I think there is always going to be some bickering and fighting between siblings, but it can be a really different between the ages in your photo and the ages that really count. My husband and his sister hated each other as children and are so close now. There's only 15 months between them! I hated my brother in our teens but I think he's fab now.
    Am sorry to hear about your sister, she's got a goodun in you!

  14. Very sad, honest post.
    I feel sad reading this, as I know my sister and I would do anything for each other.
    Can I suggest a book re rivalry? "Siblings without r
    I've tried and tested it, and it works! Some of the stuff seems weird to do, but it does work.
    Good luck with your little ones.

  15. Ah thats quite a sad story, but I'm sure that yours wont end up as you and your sister. Your kids are fabby :) x

    Ps I wanted to upload a pic of my hubbys face and arse, but he wouldnt get up off it for me to take a pic lol... next theme maybe?!

  16. I honestly cried reading this post. My sister an I had a hideous relationship growing up. She went off the rails and took a lot of it out on me due to jealousy. I was burnt with cigarettes, was dragged around by my hair, was punched and kicked... Shes now moved away and I can say our relationship still isnt fantastic but it's better than it was. Ive forgiven her for everything but its something I'll never forget and I know she knows that. Now I have my own little family thats all that matters to me. My boys fight like cat and dog, but its just a part of growing up so dont worry too much.x

  17. I'm so sorry reading this. My own sister and I have been through a lot together over the years we've grown apart and back together. We didn't always get along and I know there are things that we will always disagree on but in the end, we always love spending time together. It's my relatioship with my oldest brother that makes me sad, but we're trying to repair it.

  18. Oh Sian, that's so moving. I'm crying because I wish my brother and sister were still alive. Loss, however it comes about, is difficult to face.
    You are right though. You can find new 'sisters'.
    I hate it when my boys fight over toys, I just hope they will be there for each other when it matters x

  19. Sian, you have a way of getting me all emotional. If I could actually give you a hug, I would. Funny, I sort of kinda had that weird relationship with my mother... It's gotten a bit easier in recent years but reading this post reminded me of some of the fraughtness. Really, it was like having an older sis... A close friend of mine and her sis have a similar relationship. She's a pain in the arse - my friend has stopped trying to fight it and has let it go. Girls are funny creatures and you know what, fighting is a part of being siblings, but I am also sure that over time, they'll come to value each other, especially with your nurturing and consciousness of it all. My half sisters are super close and in the early years, they fought a lot. Don't worry and remember, your kids are different x

  20. I never had a sister and always longed for them. But I seem to be 'finding' my sisters along the way, and if anything that is more special to me.

    Thank you my lovely.

    I'm so sad to read of your story here.I guess family doesn't always guarantee friendship does it? I hope your girls find friendship in their sisterhood, one that will last them a life time.


  21. That photo really captures something - the look on the little one's face. I am sure your children will be different from your own turbulent relationship with your sister.

    This post struck me in many ways. I had an elder sister who died, and I have a younger sister - like you, about seven years age difference, and I wasn't that nice to her when we were young. I got lumbered with her when my Mum was grieving and had to babysit/take her out. I'm not proud of how I behaved. Although I didn't leave her alone! But now we're as close as close can be.

  22. History does not have to repeat girls fight like mad and also want nothing more than to be with each other. Sisters must be the strongest and longest relationship out there. I bet with your attention and help your girls will grow up loving each other.

    Way to go on walking away from that wheel chair!

  23. You know that biatttttccchhhhhhhhh!!

    Oh, sorry, was supposed to be all sensitive ... but I'll leave that to everyone else.

    Love you gumbo xx

  24. Hey!! Stokke has a lot to answer for doesn't it!!
    I'm proud to be your "twitster!" :-)
    great post, great pic, I have lots of "sister" issues too! but won't bore you all!!!!

    Love ya :-)

  25. Hey, as i sit here the memories of our times during sisterhood send a shudder through my veins, my perception of so so many theories, philosophies, friendships, and as i say sisterhood flood into sight - all of which seem to resemble those life changing moments that we shared, no-one else, you and me, likewise i have no sister, and you i feel came the closest.... there are so many hoots i can recall, and as you well know, a variety of emotions, emotions many fumble through life and never imagine, let alone experience - none of which are regrettful, all so poignant in the journey that has been 'our friendship'. To be honest i could never comprehend why your sister was that way when you were such an energy, simultaneously enigmatic to the max!! We laughed, cried, talked, shared like sisters, that i thank ya for lil sis!! big love. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION LADY!! Kirst X


Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Appreciated as always. xx


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