Monday, 22 February 2010

teens, kids, mum...

Until recently I had never really seen having children that spanned a couple of generations an issue. No1 was ten when TotallySonny came along - he  did have a major wobble but it in all honesty it didn't last that long. I'd been convinced that 'Only Child Syndrome' would kick in and from the moment that my new baby arrived my life would be hell.
It wasn't.... and despite being the big one zero, No1 son actually took it on the chin. He seemed to like the new bundle of blurghhhhh and as time went by the bundle of blurghhhhh decided that No1 son was actually the one person in the whole universe that he totally wanted to be with.
Now TotallySonny is nearly ten himself and No1 son has flown the nest - all the way to uni and I'm a mother without child. 
It's odd. A strange feeling. For me maybe more so as I've been a mum for more than half of my short life. 
I want more than anything for my children to lead happy fulfilled lives that I am a part of but I feel that I am trapped in the center of a very strong merry-go-round of competition, admiration, pride, judgement, rivalry and hate and I don't know how to make it stop..
My children hate each other or love each other. There is no middle ground and no understanding and it drives me to tears.
I know that every parent has similarly frustrated moments with their brood but I really have no idea about what I should do to make each end everyone of my children happy. 
I'm welcoming your comments and thoughts. Perhaps you have a wonder theory or you've simply decided to build a very big tower that can house / school our girls until they are  thirty and ready to face the world...

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